chasing pandora journal

A Place For People Called Home

20/07/2010 05:17:54

When I first started writing music, I thought it would only reach the ears of friends and family. So when we were invited to play at the NXNE in Toronto, I can't explain what that meant to me!

We arrived in Toronto jetlagged but excited, all really ready to get the show on the road! We had our first gig the day after we arrived at Union Station - which is the central hub for intercity transits. It is the most amazing station I have ever seen. It was built in 1914 and has incredible architecture. The massive hall with its ceiling reaching to the sky did however provide some rather interesting acoustics, but the atmosphere that was generated from the crowd that gathered was incredible. After the gig I met with a fellow Maltese - Victor Micallef one of the Canadian Tenors - he loved the gig and was incredibly supportive. What a privilege!

Our second gig was at Market Lane, and we had a great time playing in such a beautiful setting under the trees, with lots of passers-by stopping to hear us.

Most of the crowd stayed for the whole set and we sold lots of albums. One lovely lady who bought a cd actually said 'I should be back at work, my boss will kill me, but this music is so beautiful I just can't leave', a comment like that just makes my day! Someone had unintentionally left a guitar case open and people were dropping money in the case that did make me smile! My sister and niece were sitting right in front of me for this gig so that made me a little nervous! She's my sister, she's supportive of me of course, but she's also very honest and would definitely tell me the truth about what she thinks. She loved it! That means a lot to me! We were lucky enough to have our own personal photographer at our gigs, my cousin Sharon Portelli, who is really fantastic and was so truly helpful and kind to us. The photos at Market Lane turned out to be stunning!

After Market Lane - we had our merchandise stall in Dundas Square where some of the major acts were appearing later, it's kind of surreal selling CD's while listening to Iggy Pop soundcheck!

The jetlag definitely makes me cranky! I felt like I was floating and little did I know that I would need all wits about me for the evening gig!

C'est What - An established acoustic venue. The room was packed! Canadians, Maltese, New Yorkers and some industry people lurking in the shadows taking notes.

There are no Sound checks. So before you go on stage, you set up and do a simple line check and go for it! You have to get it right! The weirdest thing happened to us! My radio mic was picking up a local radio station from somewhere - Keith kept telling the sound engineer that he is hearing Arcade Fire in his head!!! It was very strange and I have to say a little nerve wracking! But we've spent a long time learning our craft and it takes more than that to throw us! It's experiences like this that make you tougher! The response from the audience was unbelievable, totally amazing!

Saturday was our last gig at a wonderful intimate venue called Czehowski. We were determined that the sound would be outstanding! And it was! There was one particular guy in the audience, who was so totally lost in our music; I couldn't keep my eyes off him during the gig. It was incredible to feed off such energy in the audience.

I was pretty overwhelmed keeping up with everyone after the gigs, old friends, all my family, even my playdate back from when I was a year old was there! I'm so totally grateful to everyone who made it to the gigs.

We filmed an interview for the Maltese Channel 'Lehen Malti' while in Toronto, the piece included footage from our video shot in Gozo for the new single 'People'. Frank Attard runs the programme and he asked us questions about our beloved Gozo and our lives. The one thing that stays with me about Canada is how kind and generous all the people there are, everyone we met was warm and sincere without exception.

'People' our new single will be released on 2nd August here in Malta. The new EP features 4 new songs which I am so proud of. I really feel like we are constantly moving forward. We can't wait to share it with everyone. It's quite different. We have now evolved from a duo to a band. With Simon Vella on Violin, and Ismael Azzopardi, who has played keyboards with us for years and now has a major input in the songwriting.

I think Chasing Pandora are sounding fantastic and with the right material, amazingly dedicated people on our team and having our heart's in the right place, I believe that somehow we can get there.

You can download our new single 'People' from our website for free for the month of August and don't forget to check out the video on www.chasingpandora.com

Have a great summer!

Chasing Pandora and Beyond

20/05/2010 02:49:14

Since the beginning of this year, the ball has been continuously rolling for Chasing Pandora - the launch of our second album, 'The Driver and The Dancer' where we performed to a full house at The Roundhouse, London in February. As well as an invitation to perform on Janice Long's show on BBC Radio 2. Janice was so lovely to us, I was so pleased to discover that she knew the lyrics to our songs and sang along as we were performing, and it was just a magical night for us. Janice Long has a cult following of people who listen religiously to her show...she's really into music and knows her stuff! What a woman!

Our new album, was given wonderful reviews from well known and prestigious magazines and newspapers, one of them being The Independent who came to review our live show.

"Each song contains expressive, symbolic words and swimming prose - Chasing Pandora perform with imagination and great ease, they kept the audience engaged throughout the whole show, the only crowd noise was applause"

I was so excited when I saw our picture on The Roundhouse, next to Noah and The Whale, Air and other great bands. It was an amazing venue and a night I will never forget. The audience was incredible.

Izzy (Ismael) has now become the third part of Chasing Pandora, we have been working with Izzy since 2006, some of our very first gigs, and he has come a long way, apart from being one of the most humble and gracious people I know, he has wonderful skills on the piano and has added a huge amount to our music. We are really happy to have him on board with us, with everything we do.   It's only been 3 months since we released our album, but we have already written and recorded 4 new songs, one of which Izzy has written. Ismael is a bit like me, loves Heavy Metal, Goths, dark humor, black nail polish and crazy hair, but appreciates the arts in all its forms. Personally, I think Keith, Izzy and I make a great well balanced team. When I say 'balanced', I'm joking. There is no band that is more dysfunctional than we are, forgetful, clumsy, moody, crazy, however that's where the music part balances us all out. Makes us whole, we're like the scattered ingredients you need to make a cake, you mix it all up and you've got a great cake, without one of the ingredients, there's always something missing.

Traveling really messes with my head, but it looks like I'm going to have to get used to it.   Chasing Pandora have been invited by the NXNE festival to perform in Toronto Canada. This event features 650 bands that perform several showcases all over Toronto, so that new and upcoming talent is exposed to the movers and shakers in the music biz. Scary, I must say. Exciting, of course. But, I'll be shaking in my pants before I go on stage!

I can't believe that it's only been 4 years since the beginning of my career.   I'm going back to Canada, to perform in front of a new audience and also in front of the huge family I left behind in Toronto.   Family that have never seen me perform yet, who have only seen pictures, videos, photos, heard the music, yet have supported me all the way. My sister hasn't seen me perform live, so she's traveling from New York to see us, not to mention most of our friends in the States.

This puts me in a really vulnerable position, I really really look forward to seeing everyone at our gigs, and I'm going to feel quite emotional, seeing all those faces that mean so, so much to me. It will bring back many, many happy memories from my childhood. Each and every one of these faces brings back a part of my past. When I see everyone I love there, to support Chasing Pandora, how can I not get emotional! My music means a lot to me, it is like a child, beautiful, innocent, with a heart and soul of its own. When an artist expresses the way he or she feels and allows it to be shared out there, in the open, she feels exposed, naked, yet liberated. So, to have so much support from everyone, truly means a lot to me.

I'm sure many of us have idolized artists and public figures along the way. A lot of people have told me that our music has helped them get through a very hard time in their life. I understand where these people are coming from, I've been there as well, I can tell you that!    Last month one of my favorite songwriters passed away.   Pete Steele (love him or hate him) I've seen thousands of messages online, all stating that his music has helped them overcome something personal in their life. People expressing how truly devastated they were about the end of someone who helped them get through a downward spiral that we all face sometimes. We can all relate to this, music somehow always touches us at the same level. It becomes a part of us, and without it we cannot seem to see clearly the way through.

Toronto to me - means the beginning of a dream. I still remember singing on my porch in Canada, with my father, we sang Elvis songs on summer nights, and I knew it, there and then, that music transcends reality. I was born for this, and despite the many obstacles in life, which I still face at times, I'm still here, alive in that dream. I am a dreamer, and many have told me that my dreams will get me nowhere, that I will get old and will have dreamt my life away. I beg to differ. One quote that will never leave my mind -

'I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest, with visions to be realized, than lord among those without dreams and desires '- Kahlil Gibran - Lebanese American Poet and Novelist.

A Tribute To My Brother

05/11/2009 03:04:44

8 years ago ...around this time..on my Mother's birthday, My brother's life was stolen. That's the only way I can put it. Not too long ago I came across his death certificate , as if I can't believe my pain is numb, sometimes I go through his stuff and wander off to a million 'what could have been's'. There's no mention of 'Murder' on the certificate of course but all medical terms I can't understand , The mere truth is that out of the blue some wretched person could decide to play God and take life and death into his own hands. 27 years young.

However, I don't want to dwell on the pain and anger, I want to celebrate the life and times of my Brother Stephen Portelli.

Steve, or Xkeyfa as his close friends knew him, was the most laid back and happy go lucky person I've ever met. He just took the ups and downs of life as they were thrown at him and loved every single second of his life. He had a kick ass Ford Capri that he was so proud of..the ceiling of his car inside was covered in bats ...we still have his car... makes me smile when I see it.

He loved teasing me, we wrestled and I don't know why on earth I took him up on a fight every time - him being a very fit person and almost 6 feet... of course I'd always surrender. Jeez I still miss those moments.

When I was around 5 and we used to go to school together in Toronto, he used to pick me up from my class room so that we could walk home together, he walked way too fast for me. I was his little sister - the big pain in the butt . Sometimes we'd stop at the candy corner store and buy liquorish and of course fight over who gets the most. Once I waited a while after school - I was the only one left waiting on my bench - I think I waited for an hour - my brother came storming in because he'd got detention. So then I had to walk super fast to get home so he could have enough time to play his video games. I was still a pain in his butt when I got older - I wanted to hang out with all his friends - I wanted to wear his Iron Maiden t - shirts and play his Van Halen records. I then continued to be a pain in his butt when he moved to NY - he'd hear of my boyfriends and my drunken outings - boy that used to really tick him off. But I miss feeling his security, knowing that no one could hurt me around him. Sometimes I wish I could have been there for him - on the night he was injured - to take care of him.

The thing I remember the most about Xkeyfa is that he was the most athletic and determined person and one hell of a hockey player. When it came down to hockey - he was one of the best. No doubt about it . I'm not just saying that because he's my brother , the passion and skill he had for the sport was incredible. He was fast, he trained hard and he had been playing since he was 3 years old. Hockey is a tough sport , my father always said that when Stephen was little he would have a chocolate before he goes into the rink and he would tear the place apart - being the little hyper active kid that he was. The passion for the sport never died.. Till the weeks before his death he was still playing in hockey with a team in New York city..his room is still full of trophies he achieved throughout the years, medals , photos and gear.

My brother died on the 9th November 2001, my whole family was in total shock, we had thought that he would recover from his injuries and that he would be with us again. For Christ's sake I was so convinced he would make it I was already thinking of throwing him a birthday party when we'd bring him home from the hospital. As kids my Mom used to have our birthday parties together - as they are only a couple of days apart. We'd argue on who had the most presents - all I know is that these are the things I cherish the most. He never made it to his birthday which was only three weeks after his death. So as much as November brings all these sad days along - I look upon these little moments that mean so much.

My sister and I happened to stay late at the hospital on the evening of the 9th November , my whole family had spent endless hours with him unconscious. But I remember when he woke up from his coma (but still heavily sedated) - he squeezed my hand once when I spoke to him - I told him that we were going to take him home when he got better. I could even see him shed a tear. And I never saw my brother cry. Apart from once, a few years back, 1998, a dear friend of his passed away, her name was Edna and she was 18. I didn't know Edna as well as my brother did, but he spoke of her like she meant the world to him. Til this day, when I visit my brother's grave, I always put a flower on Edna's - as I know that's what he would of done.

We buried Stephen in his Toronto Maple Leafs Hockey shirt - his funeral was packed with people and someone even had a flower arrangement in the form of a hockey stick. That made me smile. His hockey team in NYC sent a note saying that they will have his number 68 printed - on the side of each of their shirt..in his memory. He would have been proud.

Just thinking about his last moments makes me want to fall apart all over again, but I won't let myself . I am a soldier , for my family , for my daughter, for my music. My music is my salvation. No-one knows how it has changed my life, or how it has cleared my mind from negativity. My brother was the one that got me into Nirvana , Dire Straits, Metallica and all those other bands when I was just about 11 years old. Many years later - I found myself writing my own music - in my own ways and I found many friends throughout my journey.

I'll be 27 years old this year, the same age as my Brother when he died - we all complain about getting old, but I wish my brother could have had the chance to grow older with us ..to have children , to meet my daughter. My brother lived a very short life - For me he was a hero, just because he could smile in the darkest of days , be pleased with whatever life threw at him and live without fear and without a shadow of doubt that all he did was worthwhile just because he did it out of determination , strength and no regrets.

You Make Me Cry And I Love It

25/08/2009 06:42:09

This has been the most productive year yet for Chasing Pandora, we've been writing the second album for months now and it's in its final stages. I must say that I am relieved but I'm kind of sad too, I do enjoy the birth of new songs but on the other hand, in the studio, where all the hard work is done, everyone is rejoicing for being at the final stages. Having these new songs are like having new born babies, you want to handle them very carefully as they were made out of true love. That's exactly what music means. True Love.

Having been to London again this year has made my drive stronger. I have a constant craving inside of me to keep on going no matter how hard things get..I know that at the end of this journey I will be pleased.

We released our latest single 'Time' in the UK on the 3rd of August, firstly being released in Malta in June, and the promotion leading up to the single was very exciting. We have an interview coming out in the September edition of Acoustic Music Magazine, which has featured the most pretigious musicians in the acoustic scene. It's not just a review, it's a whole feature! Just for us!!!! It's not every day that people from the tiny Mediterranean island get a major interview in a well known magazine.

Apart from that as part of the promotion was traveling to London (thanks to our wonderful sponsors Air Malta) to perform our set to the invited media and a new audience. I came back a different person. I mean, it's like my vision was clouded with many things before and I could finally see. I always knew the music scene was incredible in London but being part of it there was exhilarating, I felt like I was breathing music every second of the day. Being in Gozo has it's downfalls, our gigs are scarce as there aren't many venues that are appropiate for a listening audience and so we have to limit our gigs.

We played the 12 Bar, Soho, where a lot of our Maltese and Gozitan fans came to watch us...that was very nice of them indeed. The place was grungy, just the way we like it. The guy that manages the place was so happy with us he asked us to come back and do another gig, which we're doing in October, and this time we are headlining. Wohooooooo. It's so nice to hear people encouraging you, especially when they have never heard you before and are totally objective.

We also played 'The Enterprise' in Camden. Really lovely people were running an event there and we managed to fill up the room again. The crowd were into the music and enjoyed our set. The next day we played at 'The Water Rats' Kings Cross and on Thursday it was the famous Cobden Club in Kensal Rise, which turned out to be the best gig yet! We ended up being the headline act and the crowd didn't want us to leave the stage! It felt good to make these people feel good. I never wanted to leave London...it felt like home there.

So the whole point of these gigs was a showcase for the media and were so excited to hear that the journalists that came were very impressed. We got two reviews out already, one in Acoustic magazine and the other from the edgy magazine 'The Fly'. Like I said it's not every day that a Gozitan girl gets to be in these cutting edge magazines! So I'm speechless.. Apart from that we have others that are out soon. "Rock n Reel" have two reviews, one live and the other of our CD also others are in the pipeline. What more could I ask for!

These things make me get teary..for God's sake I'm supposed to be a rock n roll child, coming from a past that should of made me hard as nails...heheh, but I just cry out of happiness. I didn't know I was to grow up and be what I wanted to be. I thought it was just a phase to dance in front of the mirror with bangles and sing in the bathroom cause the reverb is really good in there I never got over it..the child grew up with me and I just can't let her go. Writing this new album just made me realize I am exactly where I should be, I love what I do... I am more myself than I every imagined myself to be.

One of the songs on the new album is called 'The Driver and the Dancer'. I called it that because so many things made me see clearly in London. Being in a taxi I wondered what taxi drivers were thinking when they heard our conversation. They keep driving on, sure about where they are going, hardly every getting involved in a conversation. That was the driver. The dancer...ahhh how could I ever forget her... While staying at our hotel I came across a chambermaid that caught my attention over and over again. She was petite and very smiley, cleaning the room while listening to her iPod. Michael Jackson had just passed away and there she was belting out 'Beat it' and 'Bad', dancing away in the room. At one point she even danced on a table, she was so caught up in the moment she hardly noticed I was looking at her..in awe. A true performer I thought - that's the dancer in my head. And I will never ever forget her.

The album is very different from Mocking Bird both lyrically and musically..of course its still Chasing Pandora...but the debut album was heavy, meaning it's not for the faint hearted. It was a personal journey I had to take, to get out of the way, grieving for my brother. Now this is the rising up part - My resurrection...where every aspect of life intrigues me - humans...trees...insects..womanly ways..I have discovered that I have dealt with things and it's satisfying. I am darn proud of it. If I were a painter I would have to have a very big canvas and many colors to come close to explain what this album is like. I don't go to sleep feeling an empty space anymore..I do believe it used to kill me.

One song that just makes me cry is 'The Tree'..I wrote a song about a tree, the tree is giving us it's perspective of life...observing humanity. The song just puts a lump in my throat and I just wanna cry..in a good way.. Crying is good. True Love makes me cry..my music to me is like True Love...you know you feel it, it gives you shivers and it never ever fades away.

I guess what I really wanna say is that it's not always so bad to cry a little. Hell I have cried a river for a number of things, for my brother's untimely demise, leaving my daughter behind on tour, people hurting me with their wicked ways, even for silly little things...but it's not all bad to feel some aching. Pain is real so you can't deny it. It makes you wander, probably haunts you and can even make you shed a tear, but there is no need to be afraid as no matter how long a painful journey takes and how long the hurt will take to heal if it ever does, there is always some good that wins over everything. So cry ..cry and cry...it's all worth it in the end.

Don't Bury Me Alive

07/04/2009 12:36:23

I don't know if it's just me growing older and becoming a mother that makes me think such things, but I think a lot about life and death. You might think...why are you so morbid? Lyrically I tend to write about the things we're so vulnerable about. I think I'm just being realistic about life, I think I'm just being blunt and honest and I'm not sugar coating the ways of the world. I do write about splendid moments, moments of true happiness ... moments where I want to live forever. And that's why I am writing about Life and Death. It's just that - I want to live forever.

I lost my brother a couple of years ago. And if that was supposed to be one of life's many tests - well that was one hell of a test because I don't think I was ever the same again. I was just angry for a while and I dealt with grief by partying my way through life most of the time, it just helped me forget my woes, it helped me block out my parents suffering which was so painful to watch, it just helped me block out everything. But the best thing about it all is that I learnt to be so open about everything I feel, I talked and talked to a lot of my friends and people and was just so honest with everything I was feeling and whether the people really cared or not, I just had to be open about my inner feelings. So I developed a great insight about myself and I got to know myself very well. I knew that I didn't like to be alone, I knew that I loved to be loved and I knew that I found love in writing. It was like a friend - always there to hear my rants, always there to hear my despair, and at the end of it all, I just felt really good, it was the cure for my soul.

I've always heard people say, enjoy your life - life is so short. As a teenager I really thought that I had a very long life ahead of me - and that I was invincible with a long road ahead of me. But boy was I wrong. I'm now a mother and I still look at my daughter and can't believe that I gave her life. And hopefully she will grow to see me get old, very old. As hard as it is to accept the fact that most of us will get old then die or maybe we won't get old and just die young - I want to live long, I want a long life so I can see my grandchildren, and maybe even great grandchildren. It's of course not possible but I sometimes think that, I just want to live forever. It sounds insane! But its how I feel. I can't bear the thought of losing the ones I love. So why can't we live forever? Or at least - I like the concept of Benjamin Button - where we are old and age in reverse, where we end up being babies at the end. Unaware of the world and totally innocent - and yet we could have lived a whole lifetime. But then would that mean that we would not have any memories??? So why am I even talking about this. This mind of mine is an unexplainable thing.

I travel to Malta from Gozo quite often - which means I have a long drive. Along the road you find memorials for those that have left the world in some kind of road accident. You see that they always have a candle or flowers there near their picture. I just feel very obliged to salute them and just think about their life - although I know nothing about them. I just think about their short-lived life, their tragic end and I always hope that wherever they are - they will find peace. And of course I hope for some kind of consolation to those left behind. Because I really know what it's like to lose a person you loved so much.

So Since I can't change things, and one day I'll just have to die. I'll just have to stay happy with the fact that I am leaving some good music and hopefully that's one thing that people will remember me by.

Changing Pandora

12/01/2009 06:38:22

It's been a while since I wrote something here, ok....it's been a REALLY long time. I'm not sure if it's cause I was busy, slacking or maybe I just sometimes find prose much harder cause my mind starts thinking about a million things at once and my writing becomes complete gibberish....I'm just impulsive and put everything down at once. That's just how I work.

Anyway, it's been hectic these past few months!!!! 2008 ended fantastically and there's nothing I would have wanted more. To start, we remixed our debut album "Mocking The Mocking Bird", ended up re-doing all my vocals again because we all thought that I sing much better now.....I finally feel like I found my voice. The production is a whole lot better and I just keep asking myself why couldn't we have done this in the first place....but as they say "all good things come to those who wait"...plus this new mix will be released in the UK ...this year!!! How exciting is that! But don't be disappointed my fellow Maltese/Gozitan Chasing Pandora fans.....you will be able to purchase an exclusive UK edition "Mocking The Mocking Bird" from our website!! I promise you, it will be worth it!!!!

In the summer we went to London for a couple of shows and had a great time. Overall it was a wonderful experience. We had great feedback from the public and met quite a lot of interesting people. The audiences were completely different. People in England go out - have a drink or two - but DON'T chat while the artists are on stage. They listen and it shows what total respect they have towards performers with original music......we all came back a lttle wiser - I must say.

The new EP was released in November - with my daughter Asia on the cover - titled "Wide Eyed Beautiful" which was also the first single. It's probably my favourite release, because it's fresh and full of creativity. At first I was't too keen on releasing a single....well it was supposed to be a Christmas single and I just couldn't see myself liking the 'Christmas Mixes' and I just know that when my heart is set on something I know what's right and wrong. Thankfully our producer and manager completely agreed with me. Instead we released "Wide Eyed Beautiful" and I'm happier with the way things turned out because it gives balance to the whole EP....that on the whole deals with human issues. "Wide Eyed Beautiful" is a more personal lyric.

Then there was ACOUSTIC ROOTS, held every Friday at ChiaroScuro in Valletta, sponsored by Jack Daniels. At each event we would have an aspiring singer/songwriter as a support act to open the show....then we'd have a well known Maltese artist do an acoustic set of some of their original songs for half an hour , followed by us doing another half hour of our own material. Finally to close the show we would collaborate with the other artists on 2 or 3 cover songs. The concept was to attract a listening audience while doing something a bit different and to give artists the opportunity to perform thier work in a more intimate and quiet atmosphere.

The guests we had were - Daniel Genuis, Tony Grimaud, Eliza Borg, Ira Losco, Carrie and Ivan Filletti. All of them different and all of them truly incredible in their own way. We enjoyed every second! It feels like, during performances like these - you just get to know the artists better both musically and personally. We are all different, but I guess we - as artists - all want the same thing - to have our music reach people who appreciate original songwriting and not just cover versions.

Personally, from Acoustic Roots I have learnt to be even more confident on stage, it even felt a little more like I'm living a dream as I got to gig every week, instead of one every month or so - since we have to be selective about what concerts we do. During Acoustic Roots, I saw myself evolve in many ways, where I got to communicate in a very personal way with the audience and even got to read one of my poems each week, which to my suprise, were warmly welcomed.

Then there were the awards - The MMA's and the BMA's, where we were nominated for Best Image, Best Website, Best Songwriters, Best Band (MMA's) and Best Song for "Memories" (BMA's). We didnt win anything this year....however our performance at the BMA's was great; people showed us that they really loved "Memories" our single that we released last June. They even lit up sparklers during our show...whaich was truly incredible! Both Keith and I didnt expect that type of reaction. So it was totally worth not winning any awards. Keith breaks the trophies anyway :) hehehe

So Christmas came and went so quickly, all that craziness for one day! My first Christmas with my daughter Asia. That time I got to spend with her was what I was looking forward to - she's too young to understand what a present means, or who Santa Claus is but I enjoy giving her all I have and it was also her birthday on New Years Day. Her first and her Lucky Birthday.

Time goes by so quickly, I'm not getting any younger, I look forward to seeing her grow up but not seeing me grow old....I'll miss her as a tiny baby but I want to see her grow into a young woman who enjoys life. I want to hear her sing a Chasing Pandora song all by herself. I want her to start having her own personal taste in music and maybe, just maybe she will start her own little band. Who know's! Whatever life throws at me, I will always remember 2008 as the year I became a mother for the first time, which has brought me joy like nothing else...the year I found my voice as an artist, the year where I had a couple of shitty gigs and also had the best gigs I could ever dream of having. I travelled to London for a couple of shows, released two EP's that I am so proud of - all in a year!

Tickety-Boo (our management) have become the pioneers of Acoustic Roots, which will be having a second series this spring - So I must say this over and over, we have the most hardworking and strong willed management team in the Universe. I mean it. If it wasn't for them working their asses off - who knows what would become of Chasing Pandora.

2008 was truly special ....but what will 2009 bring? More music that we are currently working on - something totally different for a new album - a new vision we all had. More learnning and evolving....becoming more motivated, getting FIT, being more patient, always being KIND and more music, music, music.

Hold the Kidney Beans as I get run over by a bus and a cyclist

26/08/2008 05:32:21

Leaving my little girl Asia was really hard - I couldn't stop crying - just seeing her face and her bright eyes looking innocently at me before I Left. I mean I know I was leaving her in good hands but I'm her mother - and mom knows best - and the fact that she filled up my life with such joy just made me feel really guilty and empty about leaving her. But performing in London is a vision I've had for many years. When I was 12 I thought I'd be the lead singer in a grunge band - touring the UK and the United States month after month. So ok it's just a week here but we got some fantastic performances at great venues here!

Charlie Busuttil - who happens to be one of Malta's finest guitarists joined us - as he is now forming part of our singer/songwriter ensemble. Not only is he fantastic at what he does - but we could really relate as he also has left a family behind - with a 2 and half year old son and his wife with a baby on the way. So we do talk about our families and the heartache about leaving them, even if it's just for a few days. We shared our stories and laughs about watching BABY Tv most of the time - we also sang most of the songs - with out favourite happening to be 'Where is Grandpa'.

Keith - must of thought we are losing it - but he does join in the conversation about our kids.

The hotel we are in reminds me of the movie Scarface - 70's rock'n'roll - and it's a hotel most bands stay at when they come over for gigs.

On our first night in London - we went out for a few beers and a bite with a friend of Keith's who lives in London. I definitely wanted to call it a night and go back to the hotel for some good sleep. Keith on the other hand is one hell of a party animal and decided to try and find a good spot for himm to party at. However, being a Monday night most places were closed , so he also had to retire back at the hotel. Not even London could keep up with Keith's Wild Ways. He worries me sometimes - I'm also afraid that him being so clumsy and eccentric that he just might get mugged or get lost somewhere. We're thinking of buying him a leash. You know for his own well being. Hehehe.

On Tuesday we walked to Portobello Road and the shops were great! Vintage clothes - cool people and lots of shopping! I'm a shopaholic and London is really the place to be to shop, especially if you like edgy, hippie stuff. So after spending most of the day walking around and almost getting run over by a bus - we decided to get to the hotel just to rest before our performance that evening at the ElectroAcoustic Club at the Slaughtered Lamb.

As soon as we arrived at the Slaughtered Lamb we discovered that the place had a flood and so soundcheck had to be delayed....so we decided to wait in the restaurant and have a bite to eat. I must say that English Food does not go down well with me. Battered Sausages and Chips are just not my thing.

Well we got a soundcheck 3 hours after arriving and the sound was great. To our surprise a couple of gozitans based in London came to see us for their very first time. They were very supportive and enjoyed the show. It was a very warm and attentive crowd and our songs came through just the way we wanted them to. The great thing too is that we managed to watch some wonderful artists as well. Kerry Leatham happened to be my very favourite - a fresh new talent with so much to offer. She just blew us away. With an incredible voice - interpretation and songwriting.

The next day, our PR Sam Brown arrived, something we were really looking forward to as we really needed someone to represent us while we're there. It's always better when you have someone that knows a lot about the music business in the UK.

So after Sam arrived on an early flight - although with a lack of sleep - we all went to Camden Town ( my favourite place in London) . We loved it there - you'll find anything there and all the people around creative with their own style. It's really fascinating to see all these different type of people . So we shopped around and had some lunch and then it started to pour! The weather was vert wintery - crispy cold and rainy. But I really don't mind it. I'm not a hot weather person at all...I like the cold, the clouds and long coats.

We headed back to the hotel and had only an hour to get ready before our soundcheck at The Regal Room.

The Regal Room was a fantastic venue, very intimate and cosy. It was packed with people and we've witnessed something we rarely get to encounter during gigs..perfect silence. The audience are just there to listen to the music , there's no chit chatting during the songs and the audience is just embracing whatever the artist is there to perform.

Our performance went very well and the gig was also broadcast on the internet . We got to enjoy other performances as well and meet with the other artists which is always one of my favourite parts of these gigs. It's just really fascinating to meet new people with take or leave a little the same vision, to make a sound in the music industry.

We're always very hungry after a gig and some drinking so we headed off to a chicken place. Needless to say Keith had us in stitches laughing with the things he does and say. This time it was about beans. He was sure that he did not want 'kidney beans' with his chicken and fries. Of course , there was nothing about kidney beans on the menu, but he kept insisting to the guy behind the counter that he did not want any kidney beans and that he only wanted coleslaw. What they really had on the menu was baked beans..anyway at the end he came to realize that he should have had the beans and so he went up to the counter and told him 'I want my Kidney Beans'. That is True Keith Fashion. But of course we love Keith for this as we laughed all night about it. I could go on and on about the things Keith says and does - but some things are better left untold.

The next day was the day we had meetings with PR companies. Which went really well I must say. Then we went off to shop once again. Man , I've never walked so much in my life , even if I do love shopping , if I ever get rich and famous, I really want someone to do my shopping, somebody that knows my taste - because my toes really can't handle all that walking. But it was great fun, Sam and I - went off to Oxford Street and did all our shopping. While Keith and Charlie went off to Denmark Street to check out the several guitar shops.

That night was one of the nights that we have been really waiting for. Performing at the Troubador. We only got the gig that very week. When Sam our PR just thought she'd try to call the place and see if she could get us on - when in the first place we were only gonna go watch some performances there. The person that manages the place thought it was such an unusual request that someone would just phone up last minute requesting a band to perform that week - usually they send press kits and wait for months and years to play there - the lady thought it was just meant to be and she thought I sounded a little bit like Suzanne Vega and so we got the gig! Which was so great ! I must say , Sam is an extremely powerful and hardworking PR , who just really does all this work because she truly believes in us and just loves our music.

So we had some delicious food at The Troubador and a quick soundcheck, we then waited for our time to go on. I always feel very ill in my stomach before but this time it was much worse, I also tend to go millions of miles away in my head and it seems like everything around me is just noise - really loud noise - the people , the music in the background - everything just seems to be a blur. Once we were on though - all that seems clear is us and the music - and although the place was a bit noisy - we still managed to capture the audience's attention. Even though the sound on stage was pretty shitty - it just makes me concentrate 100% more on the words and the feel of the music. Soometimes playing in a hard atmosphere is a great test and makes you work harder to get the message across .

We got to meet some very interesting people in the music industry - like Arthur Louis who played with the likes of Eric Clapton and Jimi Hendrix . Our friend Mario Grech Xerri brought him along . We also got to meet Fraser Gregory - a maltese/gozitan musician who is now based in London - he had fronted The Beangrowers some years ago and is now a singer songwriter , writing and recording his album in London. He brought along Peter Godwin - a songwriter who has written for David Bowie and also lately Steve Winwoods new album. It was a great experience to speak with people of such experience and respect in the music business.

The next day was our final gig in London - in the morning we took it a little easier - just having a stroll at Hyde Park , where our hotel was situated. The last night was the concert at The Borderline - playing support to a very talented Australian singer/ songwriter Lior. The Borderline is situated in Soho - probably one of the most happening places in London, it was a Friday night and it was packed - all the pubs were full. So when our time came to perform the club was already packed to it's maximum capacity - the crowd was full of Australians and I must say they were a bit noisy - drinking and chatting , but we still managed to pull most of the crowd's attention and had a great applause. Afterwards we also managed to get some feedback from some people in the audience . I was really looking forward to watching Lior perform , he totally blew me away, his voice, his performance, interpretation and most of all the communication with the audience. I managed to get his Cd's autographed - which I'm really proud of , as I don't think I have ever seen anyone that touched me with their performance as he has.

As I looked upon The Borderline's entrance walls, I saw signed photos of the Artists that played there - R.E.M. , Emmy Lou Harris, Sheryl Crow, Lenny Kravitz, Damien Rice, Rage Against the Machine, Debbie Harry, Jeff Buckley.

All those that I listened to throughout the years, and I of course being the dreamer that I am - imagining a picture of us amongst these legends, Chasing Pandora played the Borderline , London, August 2008. Then I noticed my bottle of beer was empty and I really needed another one - before I go down that road I've been on many times.

So I do think these performances went really well, and that maybe some people who have never heard of us would go and tell their friends about us, who in turn would tell their friends about that little band from Gozo. From my side , I do think that I have came back to Gozo wiser, happier, more confident and willing to make this happen for us. I've learnt that an artist's world is one of many challenges, heartbreak and utmost commitment. One of true expression and a road full of diversity and true stories, the sky is the limit with songwriting, no two notes are the same, words come alive and music becomes the soundtrack of your life. A musicians life is based on telling stories - of communication and making new friends and seeing new faces from the stage and wondering what that particular person in front of you - listening to you- thinking at this moment, while they hear your music for the very first time. It's a strange feeling but I like strange and I really don't ever want to be a fuckin secretary in an office again, and whether I'll manage to cross the Maltese waters or stay writing poetry in my room while my daughter sleeps - this is all I am gonna do for the rest of my life.

A real big thank you goes out to Harry Farmer - who really made these gigs possible for us in the UK.

To Sam Brown - who left her 4 children behind to be with us for our first gigs in London - while being this strong , solid woman who makes everything possible.

To Steve Brown - our manager who just doesn't sleep enough because he is determined to make us stars. Wish you could of seen us live in London and thank you for taking me out of the gutter.

Thank you to our management company - Tickety-boo Malta - you are the most powerful machine in this world.

Thanks also goes out to Matthew Green who photographed us during our gigs in London and to our loyal Gozitan fans in London - who made it to each and every one of our gigs.

* No one was hurt during the Chasing Pandora mini tour in London - although I must say - that Keith almost got run over by a bus, a cyclist - and also called a very important person in the music biz. Kali.- Bless*

I will never cut my hair - will always wear black and most importantly will never sing in public!

24/07/2008 12:17:24

It seemed ages away but it was finally here, the week of the Arts Fest and their I was the weekend before - sipping tea with honey and lemon , I was feeling sick once again , right before an important performance! But I knew if I told my management team - they would either panic or just call me crazy, so I just gulped down my medicine and gargled my way to sleep. However I don't get much of that either - with my 6 month old little girl still keeping me up for those early morning feeds. So I thought I'd just wing it.

So the day of the sound check arrives and all is looking good - the sound seemed to be great...and it didn't take ages and ages to get where we wanted to get. So the day came and there I was rushing to prepare things for Asia before I leave for the gig and get my stuff together to catch an early boat to get their way before so I can get myself together without rushing around.

The place looked a million times better then the day before - there were lights accenting the crumbling walls everywhere and as soon as I entered I could see how much work was put into this concert and I started thinking once again- OH SHIT- im feeling hoarse - I feel sick . I panicked for a second again and went up to Keith and said ' Keith I'm really hoarse I don't think I can sing'....Keith just snubbed me and said ' Cool - youll get over it by the second song'. Then he added ' DRAMA QUEEN'. He could be such an ASSHOLE! Hehehehehe.. (SORRY KEITH) He doesn't understand the fact that I get so worried about the performance - me being the person that had intense stage fright all my life - that it effects me physically! Oh well.

Those last minutes before I go onstage are a nightmare and a dream for me. I start thinking 'oh shit , I can't do this, how and where am I gonna hide so no one can find me', and then the other part of me says ' you've practiced in your room for many years , you have one life , so go and tell everyone how you feel about this lifetime.'

And then your on and the rush goes to your head and shivers go down your spine..and everything else just disappears and the music takes you on that journey. And as soon as I start thinking that I'm going downhill - I think about everything Im singing about - and nevermind everything else. That's when it feels right. That's what my voice is all about.

After reading my poem in the middle of the set where we had the rest of the musicians join us - I had a wardrobe change and a really fast one at that! ( how does Madonna do it! ) Sam our PR - met me backstage - tore the dress off of me - helped me put the next outfit on easily while keeping my hair and make up intact , the hard part was the boots - they are not usually a problem but on that night- either with the heat or something - MY FEET felt swollen! They couldn't go in, so there we are huffing and puffing to put these freaking boots in! I'm hearing my cue to go on and we're literally like two animals trying to fit in this bloody boot onto my foot! When we finally did it I ran on stage and made it just on time. It turned out to be a great gig and at the end people just grooved away to the music - I could see the people eagerly wanted to stand up and just be free..and so they did. And this is a great thing I've learnt about being a performer - it's about just being free and not pretending to be something your not. You might be a shy person during the day and you might live in fear of speaking in public all your life - but through music you can be free. It's like another persona comes to life and every heartbeat is beating with the rhythm of the music and speaking the stories of your life. It's rewarding to see people so happy to actually LISTEN to your music and just be themselves for a few minutes - lost in words - lost in translation.

Someone told me at the gig that he was so afraid of singing and performing in public that he could never do what I do. It's funny how someone just told me that - as I was the worst with performing live in public. I wanted to do it - and oh did I LUST for it but I just felt so akward and fear overtook my personality and it just was a nightmare! In fact - the first thing I told my manager was ' I will never cut my hair (being that I had freshly dyed jet black long hair ) I will always wear black ( just to emphasise that I will be a goth forever) and I will never sing in public.' But with the help of people I love and the people that truly believed in me and who really pushed me to the limit, I overcame these inhibitions... It's ok to be nervous - it just gives you that extra something on stage - but there is nothing to be afraid of - if your prepared and you just do as you feel and just mean what you say - it will all work out fine and if you just let everything be and just do whatever you do naturally with your utmost commitment - your perfomance will translate into a million words in a thousand languages reaching many many nations because it will always touch people in the same spot - that is the heart.

We are Chasing Pandora and you are watching MTV!

01/07/2008 05:25:25

The heat is on and going back and forth almost every day from Gozo to Malta just makes it feel 100% hotter. Last month has been all about promoting our new EP.
It's been great though and every minute of it was worthwhile - apart from the publicity we get - I'm always looking forward to meeting new people.

Well , we had a video shoot for the song 'Me and You' at Ghajn Tuffieha and we had a couple of kids on set - Hannah , Arlo and Zoe ( the management team's kids) and their fellow school mates. Apart from it being so hot and getting sunburnt and dancing like a chicken on the sand - it was a great excuse to jump into the water - as I will hardly be going to the beach with Asia this summer (babies have to go after 5pm or 6pm). I look forward to seeing the outcome of this video - it's suppose to be a summer song and so the whole concept is Keith and I on the beach with the ukelele - jamming to our summer song .

One of the highlights of our publicity spots was being on Claire Aguis' show 'Ghal Kulhadd' - which was pretty interesting - being in The Hilton's Kitchen - getting creative with breakfast, lunch and dessert. Keith did a great job in the kitchen, it seems like he really comes together in the kitchen while I become a total klutz! Oh well!

So we had a small publicity stunt at Exotique Arkadia Gozo - where we played a small set and signed a couple of CD's. My daughter got to be there and watch me perform - it was pretty hard hearing cry at one point in the background and not being able to comfort her! But then I block it all out - when I'm performing it's like a switch goes on and I'm their to entertain and most importantly to have fun and deliver a performance.

We were also a part of Malta Music Week- where local artists got to showcase their talent to a jam packed audience at Bugibba. As usual the soundcheck took hours to start - so when we finally were done - we had to rush to Keith's apartment to put our frock on - which by the way are fabolous - thanks to our new sponsor - the fantastic new fashion line in Malta - DESIGUAL- it's always hell when your rushing between soundchecks and the actual performance ! I can't help but feel like I don't get enough downtime to get my head together - so by the time we got to Bugibba - the show started late anyway, so their was plenty of time to chill. Although - before a performance I can't help myself and my mind seems to be a million miles away - I try to converse with people but I just feel like I'm floating..I start thinking about a million things - my throat is hoarse, I'm gonna forget the words - is my top gonna fall off and I just might show my tits! Hehe. But then, as I walk on stage - I feel like this other persona takes over and I feel more together then I've ever been.

It was a great audience and it went really well...MTV also interviewed us after the gig...and I got to say the phrase that I've always dreamt of saying since I was a wee girl..'We are Chasing Pandora and you are watching MTV' and it just felt like I've been waiting for that day forever!

Coming off the stage - I feel like I wanna do more - I wanna perform for hours...it's a breath taking experience and I feel like myself more than any other moment in my life. I was born to do this..and I knew it since I was a little girl. This is my dream - it's just what I do and this is Me.